Retribution

If you want to find the lowest forms of human life, look no further than the comment sections in Yahoo articles about mental illnesses. More specifically, look at those that are written by those with Borderline Personality Disorder. More often than not, these articles are written as instruction manuals. To my significant other, how to help me in my time of despair. To my parents, know that I don’t hate you and I’m learning how to get through this. To society, I’m trying my best. And the comments? Your vicious, vile, putrid comments. They sicken me.

The comment section is split into two kinds of posters; the ones that society has deemed “normal”, and those with BPD. Now for some reason everyone considers themselves an expert and capable of diagnosing BPD, so the normal base all of their opinions on encounters they have had with people who were never diagnosed. The normal go off of stereotypes, chance encounters, or relationships that they deem crazy and toxic and they blame the latest mental illness that they read about in the headlines. BPD is one of the most mis-diagnosed illnesses out there, as it is often confused for something else and vice-versa. But silly me, the normal are never wrong.

These are actual comments from those that claim to have interacted with those that have BPD:

“Unfortunately you can’t run from your child if they have BPD.”
“If you have BPD and have not entered treatment or are taking medication, stay single.”
“I won’t be in a relationship with someone who has BPD.”
“To those who love someone with BPD….don’t.”
“Runaway, don’t look back, and run some more!”
“Why not get involved with a normal person and forget the people with incurable mental problems?”

The comments from those that revealed their BPD diagnosis?

“I decided to get therapy and treatment after I was diagnosed. Please don’t judge me, not all of us with BPD are monsters.”

“There is hope for people with BPD. It is a long hard road to get better.”

“I’m trying my best.”

“I’m doing what I can and seeking help.”

For years I tried to bleed the evil that was inside of me out. For years society told me, and continues to tell me that there is bad in me and that it can never be fixed. When I look at these comments, I see the bad. I see the monsters you are talking about, but it’s not in me. It’s in you. Do you fear us because we reflect your own evil? Do you hate us because we are the result of your abuse, your mistakes, and your neglect? Do you continue your cruelty in hopes that we kill ourselves off so that you no longer have a daily reminder that it was you who hurt and failed us, and not that other way around? To those convinced that they live in towers above us plebeians, how on Earth do you breathe up there?

To those deemed normal, are you convinced that those of us that are not do not know we are different? Do you think we wander in a blissful state of unawareness, oblivious to the fact that you despise us? We know we are odd. We know we are wrong. We know we are different. Many of us try to contain it and bottle ourselves up in the vials you pass out. Many of us just say fuck it and let our freak flags fly. But rest assured, every single person with an “abnormal” mind knows that they have one. It’s like trying to build a puzzle with only corner pieces.

Those that live in glass houses should not throw stones. I will pick your stone up and shatter your fucking world, and you will have only yourself to blame. After all, I’m a crazy person with BPD. I can’t be fixed and I can’t be cured. I’m just living up to your expectations.

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