I can feel you lurking, lurking around the corners of the dark crevices that make up my mind. You are always there, and your existence haunts me. Since I was a child, not even old enough to know who or what you are, you’ve been present. Taunting me, tormenting me, torturing me. You act like it’s your personal mission to destroy everything I care about. Perhaps that is your only purpose, and my God are you effective.
Your presence is shrouded in confusion and weakness, yet there’s a resiliency to you that I admire. I wish I could give you a name, but nothing would do it justice. Maybe for simplicity’s sake, we shall dub you the Borderline. Otherwise I’m just talking to myself and seem crazy…. crazier, actually.
Your presence is vital to my existence, yet I despise you. Leave me alone goddammit, get away from me. Leave me in peace and watch me flourish without you. That’s what you’re afraid of, isn’t it? That I’ll find happiness without you. That you’re holding me back. Well guess what. I’m going to beat you, just watch. You can sit back and torture me all you want, because I won’t let you defeat me. I will be better than you, just you wait and see.
I can’t even convince myself those things are true. What I know is a simple truth. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t think you want me to either. We are finally in agreement, my strange little companion. You want what you want, and I mostly accept it. But that small part that defies you, and my goodness is it small. It’s going to fight against you with everything it has, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Unless you kill me of course, but I’ve proven more resourceful and resilient than you could have ever imagined. I’m a hard nut to crack, my stubbornness is legendary. Get ready to fight, because I’m ready to bring it.